From: Gina Rodriguez
Date: 03 May 2004
Time: 23:28:52 -0700
Remote Name: ip68-7-180-153.sd.sd.cox.net
I think the most interesting perspectives on “the family” was the historical perspective, just because I have never learned this information before. It was interesting to see how, for example, we went from courting to dating (Whyte) and also how we transitioned from a companionship marriage to an independent marriage (Cherlin). It was curiously remarkable how our marriage institutions have changed so much due to other institutions over time. I think the book did well in discussing the overlying theme that the family is a social construct because now I can see it better through the sociological lens I never new how to use. I found this class and many of the concepts/concerns regarding the family both depressing and satisfying. The reason being is that after deconstructing all of the concepts we learned that affect the changing of the family and how it is shaped, I was forced to look at how these concepts directly affected me. Many of them did. I found issues such as cohabitation and division of labor a bit depressing. The cohabitation issue obviously affected me because I am one who does and because I would have never thought that cohabitation would even lead to a rise in divorce later. I understand why now because people who do tend to have a different view on divorce than those who do not cohabit and because it is more likely to be difficult to set up different boundaries once married (ie. finances). However, it is still astonishing to think that one is 30-50% more likely to divorce if they cohabit (lecture 2/16/04). The other depressing reality learned was how division of labor really does promote female inequality. I was raised in a Hispanic family were the women primarily cooked, cleaned and child reared, however I always grew up thinking that I could do all those things and still be respected as a woman if I went to college got a degree and made good money. I was also raised with a single mother for a good portion of my early life and saw how strong a woman could be even if she cooked, cleaned, worked, and raised the three of us. There is even a long running joke between my uncle and I because I always wanted to reject the stereotypical young submissive Mexican female, who raised children, cleaned house and had dinner waiting on the table for her husband. He used to joke with me that when he comes to visit I better be in the kitchen and making him tortillas. At first he did this because he thought it was funny to him how mad I used to get. Now he is telling his boys that I am the kind of “new age” woman they should look for to marry. It took years to try and convince my uncle how degrading it is that he say such things to me, because I felt I had so many more opportunities than that (note: I am not degrading this stereotype. There are plenty of women in my family perfectly happy falling into that “stereotype.”) I think I just never really took these issues of division of labor into further consideration on how this potentially affects all women. I always thought that this was a cultural thing and if I looked outside of this culture, I would find it to be different. But it isn’t, every culture and family structure has some division of labor that potentially can prevent female equality, with the exception of the lesbian family structure. Stephanie Coontz is now my new favorite author, just because of the toxic parents article. I think this article did a couple of things for me. Firstly it solidified one of the classes underlying themes that families aren’t universal. Secondly it relieved some of the concerns I began to have once we learned about all of the pressures of parenting whether they were social, cultural, or economic. I will definitely carry with me the evidence she found that says that “as long as we respond to the uncertainties with common sense, flexibility, and affection, most of us can be good enough parents” (pg. 278). This renewed my desire to want children, because before that I thought that there was no way I could raise a decent enough child without submitting to all of the pressures of motherhood and/or childrearing. That is an article I will make the father of my child read as well. The website I chose to look at was the census bureau for divorce. This topic is especially interesting to me because I am a child of divorce and a very near friend of mine is experiencing it at this moment. It is a pretty non bias study and had a decent enough representative sample. The address is http://www.census.gov/prod/2002pubs/p70-80.pdf I definitely can use the tools and concepts we learned in my family and in dealing with others. I actually have been trying to look at things differently especially with the case of my friend’s divorce. So I think that what I have learned in this class can easily affect how I look at “the family” now.
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